Some things just never change. Last week I was talking to Amanda, and she told me that Patti had the day off work, so they took Kaelin to the zoo. The first thing that ran through my mind was, "Dammit, she had ALL the firsts with my daughter, now she's going to get them with my granddaughter, too?"
On the other hand, Kaelin probably won't remember this zoo trip, so there are always other times. Plus, there's just not a damn thing I can do about it anyway.
And on the plus side, Amanda referred to me as Grandma Lauri when she passed me the baby to hold. I wasn't totally sure how she was going to do that. I did take the opportuity to mention it the other day ... can't remember how I worked it into the conversation, but I told her how Sean and Nick have all their grandmas ... Grandma Jane and Grandma Gwen and Grandma Peg. Plus if we start NOW, it'll just be that way her whole life. So it must had made some sort of impression.

' "We all got a place inside us, feels like a prison," he tells her. "It's darker in some people than others, that's all. Thing is, you got to balance what's there with what's around you or you'll find yourself on a road that's got no end. Got no beginning and goes nowhere. It's just always this same thing, never grows, never changes, only gets darker and darker, like that candle blowing int eh wind. Looks real nice till the wind blows it out -- you hear what I'm saying?" ' - Charles deLint, Moonlight and Vines: Heartfires
Here's the thing ... I started a blog because I want to journal and I don't seem to be able to do it on paper. Then I got all caught up with the creation of the blog and how to get pictures into it, and it was fun. But I'm still not using it the way I wanted to, to try and get some of this stuff inside me OUT. Kinda like I want to paint, but I always have something I need to do first. I want to write poetry, but there's always something I need to do first.